I wish somebody would end my life for me

Most of the time I wish somebody would just gun me down and blow my head off or something along those lines so I wouldn't have to take a suicide wish to the grave with me. My life has been so tumultuous and full of turmoil that if I ended my life on my own it would really only prove to everybody who knows me that I really was as pathetic and weak as they all perceived and known me as. I hear the sirens of cop cars and ambulances everyday and I feel terrible for harbouring the grade of envy that I do over people who have had their lives taken from them. I'm guilty for even being here because I know that I amount nothing to this world and it should be me being littered to the morgue. If God is real, he chooses the wrong people to be homicide victims