How do you get “trapped”

As a Dom-less sub with a love/hate relationship with diapers I can’t just “put one on” my psyche says no. I have to feel “trapped” or “forced” by a rule or something. Currently I have a couple wishlist thingies set up and if I get an order it means I have to use the diapers when they arrive. But things are expensive and I feel bad using this system. I see others posting pics and saying they’ll stay diapered for so many upvotes but sometimes that results in a crazy amount of time so in a fraidy cat. Do you guys have other ideas?

Currently I have no orders so lots of panties in my future but I’ve been stuck for months before! 🫣