grandmother passed suddenly, now i'm completely disoriented

my grandma passed a little over a month ago to a sudden death (i.e. she didn't wake up after her nap). it even happened the day after my birthday so the clothes she wore when she sent me a birthday greeting video (i live abroad) was the same clothes that she wore when she passed. and because of how sudden it was, i couldn't even catch a flight because i just started my job and it was really expensive to fly. she was the woman who raised me and ever since her passing i have a hard time trying to cope and live my life.

i have my bachelor thesis due in like 3 weeks and i truly feel fucked because i just can't function. it's lke everyday, i get drained by trying to pretend that i'm a functioning human being and the moment i come home i just crash. i have also been burn out since a few months before 2026 started and grief is certainly not being helpful with that. i just hate that i always have to make the practical choices in my life and can't prioritize myself, especially during this time. i've always been a go-getter no matter my mental state is and i really underestimated how grief could affect me because i genuinely don't know how to bounce back.

life is just unfair man.