Fall of a looser.

I just wanted to talk about my life as my exams are coming up and I literally feel like a pathetic looser. So I used to be a kid who was naturally good in studies but I wasn't like a topper but used to be in the ranklist always. I got 94.6% in 10th and that's where my downfall began. My parents gave me two options neet/jee (obviously). I went for neet as my sibling and alot of other relatives of mine are doctors. Took admission in Aakash and took admission in a cbse school. I took the regular batch and aakash used to get over at 7pm and my school used to got over at 4pm. I literally reached home at 7.45-8.00pm and was so goddamn tired. I tried my best to keep up with everything always studied well in school. Well i couldn't concentrate well at coaching because the faculties kept on changing and all of them were shit so I just tried to learn from yt. 11th (school) went pretty well I was one of the toppers in annual exam (bio maths). 12th started and i honestly tried my best to put in efforts and I did. I learnt every concept and also did pretty well in Aakash (used to get centre rank 1 occasionally)..that's when the preboards started and i gave zero f about coaching and focused on boards. It was during March (after bio) I started to think about neet. I also went through alot of traumas this month as something happened with my mother and well I just stopped studying half the month. Still I'm not feeling to study I just exist. I think alot about taking a drop. Like a lot. I know I'll crack it if I take a drop but it's just soo empty yk? It feels like I'm a looser and I'm not worth anything. My dad is gonna put me through hell after exams and I've to deal with that too. Life is quite difficult these days. I hope it gets better :)