Should I face the urges ?

I been doing retention for a while. I’ve started during 2016. Been up and down. Some was 1 month and some 2 months .. but things went down hill since 2022. I’ve encountered a certain video/image which I can’t fight easily. It has destroyed the confidence it had before to face urges. Cause I kept relapsing on the same image until now. It was never enough. I went 50+ days cause i felt guilty about watching other people nudes without their permission. And i went on binge mode again once the guilt faded. I recently set up screen time on iPhone and idk the password and email. I’ve faced many demons before. But my ego mind wants to face it without hiding in blocker. Idk lol..my heart tells me your weak and you had faced many demons before, just face it like before. But that self doubt interupts me. Cause i kept failing with the same urges since 2022, the push up, cold showers only work temporarily. I need advice from long term semen retention gang