Which version of myself is genuine in this situation?

Hi, i used to hang out with a friend for about 5 months and i thought about her a lot. I found myself questioning whether i was experiencing limerence or not.

However, those feelings have diminished since i was diagnosed and started taking Vyvanse. The best way to describe it is an “i wish her well” feeling with no desire to reach out to her.

Still, whenever I experience crashes from time to time, i become depressed, my rumination about life issues intensifies and she eventually comes to mind again.

The problem is that Vyvanse somewhat blurs my feelings in a way that makes me less inhibited, masks my other issues and keeps me going so I can’t tell which version of myself is genuine.