It’s been another month! 31 total on HRT!  Hard to believe sometimes. But very long feeling sometimes too.

I can’t say I’ve noticed that too much really changed hormone wise or physically. I’m definitely still changing a little bit by bit as I have the whole 31 months but it’s a slow process that will be lifelong and things creep up on you unnoticed until you do. I would definitely recommend the boof method of progesterone though. I did injecting version for like a year without much effect, oral for a few months without much effect, then the boof with a definite effect. At least for me it’s been the best.

Personally I’ve been going thru quite a lot but not much of it is really related to my transition. It’s been very interesting though doing all of it as myself and in a passing female role. My dad might say that I’ll never be taken or treated as the woman I am but that’s not my lived experience. I can’t remember the last time a misgendering or even questioning came up outside of those who know. I’m an active part of my local trans community so I’m definitely seen as either an ally or trans in certain situations but generally speaking there’s no negative treatment even in my fairly red state. The biggest clue is my wife and I are never seen as a couple anymore. Seems like a very lesbian issue to me. Women are seen as friends or sisters or something else but never as together no matter the PDA. It’s kind of annoying. As I deal with all my other struggles and especially positive experiences it’s so great to go thru things just as another woman in the world. I’m actually starting to get used to it. Novel experiences are fewer and fewer between. 

I know it’s not this way for all trans people but since it has happened for me I definitely believe it’s possible for almost everyone. It takes effort and time and a certain amount of confidence but it has happened to many of the other people I’ve met too. Those that struggle I truly believe can get there! I don’t think anyone is stuck. I’m definitely at the point where the old pre-HRT photos don’t look anything like me anymore and it seems so common. Humanity has such a big beautiful spectrum of expression and that definitely includes gender expressions. If transition has taught my anything it’s that the binary is so incredibly wrong. 

My SRS recovery has continued to go great. I’ll hit 6-months post-op pretty soon and be down to one treatment a day instead of two. I’m easily doing the orange soul source dilator and am not just getting the hang of things but getting used to it. Odd that it’s kinda hard now to even really remember the before too much. It’s just so much better and more natural now.  Sometimes I’m still hit with ohh wow moments but a lot of the time it’s just as much a part of me as anything else. The difference being all the negatives are gone. 

My last surgery is at the end of the next month so I probably won’t talk about it in the 32 update but I’ll definitely talk about the recovery on its own after. It’s a bigger one, not SRS big but I’m doing BA/Lipo/BBL. It’s sorta the last mountain to cross on my journey and then settling into my life as me. Definitely super exciting but also scary and a bit of conflicting emotions. Kinda like coming home after a long trip. You’re happy be there and it’s where you want to be but now the excitement is life instead of the crazy adventure. I’ve heard other people say similar things and I know the early days are spent looking at the crazy path ahead and wishing you could jump to the end. But being on the journey is such a vibrant and fulfilling experience that once you start reaching your goals it’s a weird place to be. Wonderful and happier, but daunting in that now you have to go be a more fully realized person in this crazy world. Part of hiding and masking puts you in a more comfortable and safe place. Not necessarily a healthy place but definitely felt way less vulnerable to me.  Not only because I now think about existing as trans or as a woman but because being authentic means more direct interactions. People now get to know and judge the real me, which while way better in most ways is so much harder too. The adventurous parts are its own insulation. You’re working on it, you’re still learning and growing, but after it’s like getting a job after college or eating the meal after a big preparation. You gotta woman up and live.

I hope all are doing as wonderfully as possible on their own journeys! Im a pretty open person so feel free to AMA with any questions you might have. See ya next post!

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

Reflections on 31 months! 🏳️‍⚧️