My parents saw my self harm scars...

I don't think I have suicidal tendencies (right now atleast) but this is a sub that deals with it I think and I don't really know where else to post so here we go

I (F16) used to engage in self harm about 1.5 years ago. I'd feel like a void and suddenly I took something sharp and cut my wrists. It was never deep, not because I was hurt or because I was scared of death its just that when you can so easily take away life I felt like "nah I'll do it when I have a real reason"

The past few months or so have been..good. I've had some good friends and eventually that side of me swam away and I was ready to act like it was never a part of me. But just yesterday my juniors had their board exam results come out. Someone I was close to got really high and my parents wouldn't stop talking about how I could have done so much better. The days after my results were like hell because my mom was always crying and saying I ruined her life and my dad said I was "2 steps behind everybody".

I score pretty low even now but it wasn't enough for me to start self harming again. But yesterday all my emotions came back flooding and I just said "fuck it" and did it again. The moment I did I sort of got humbled by the bleeding and after cleaning up was back to normal.

Unfortunately this time my parents saw those cuts. I've never told anyone about SH and now it feels so bad being called out. I never felt anything while doing it but now I feel like a dirty human being who isn't normal. My parents told me not to do drama like this again and my dad said he's take away my room if he saw those cuts again. My room is my comfort place and they think I engaged in SH because I was "isolated" but its really not that.

It kind off feels like if my parents caught drugs in my bag or porn on my laptop. They don't know how to talk, I DEFINITELY don't either and I feel so embarrassed and feel like my life will never be the same again and they'll see me differently.

As of now they're acting a little less strict than they usually are (they are good parents but we usually mostly talk about how I should study and stuff which was making me go insane) but I feel like they're disgusted and I also feel disgusted with myself, not because I engaged in SH but because I was caught and now they feel like I'm their "golden daughter who saw someone do it on TV and copied it to look cool"

Just leaving this here because I'm not suicidal but I feel ashamed