I don’t really know how to start this, but I’ve been holding this in for months and it’s getting too heavy. I prepared for JEE since class 11 with a lot of expectations, and even before that I had this dream of getting into IIT. I did study, but I also made mistakes, got distracted, and didn’t use my time the way I should have. I thought my drop year would fix everything, but it turned out to be the hardest year of my life. My home environment hasn’t been peaceful constant fights, noise, and negativity. It’s been really hard to focus or even feel normal. On top of that, I lost someone who was very important to me. She moved on, did better than me, and even left the country without meeting me once. That hit me harder than I expected. Now my drop year is gone, my JEE didn’t go well, and I feel like I’ve failed my dream and myself. I keep thinking about all the “what ifs” and mistakes. It feels like I wasted years of my life, and I don’t know what to do next. Some days it feels really overwhelming and I just feel stuck in my own head.  
Failed jee   
Messed boards worst percent  
Fucked personal life and health.

I’m posting here because I don’t want to keep this bottled up anymore. If anyone has gone through something similar or has advice on how to deal with this phase, I’d really appreciate it.

Feeling lost after JEE drop year… can’t handle this anymore