I'm the worst significant other in the world

My S/O (who is 29M) is the best S/O that anyone can ever ask for.

They're sweet, they're funny, they're smart, they always go out of their way to make me smile and laugh; they always tell me that they love me.

And the best part is that we both fell for each other at the exact same time; though it seemed to have come out of nowhere, it was the most amazing three years of my life.

We are long-distance, and we make things work together.

My only gripe is that we have never "done it" with each other IRL as of yet.

They've done it before. I have never done it.

The two times we met up, we didn't do it.

I wanted to. They did not.

The first time was because they didn't want to "put me in an uncomfortable situation".

The second time was because "we haven't gotten tested for STDs yet".

Twice, I respected their decision to not do it.

But now I worry about our third meet up in the future.

I'm worried that he still wouldn't want to "do it" with me.

And, I'm starting to feel like I'm just "undesirable".

Though we have ways to be intimate in a long-distance without intercourse, it's just not the same as actual intercourse, even though I don't know what intercourse feels like in the first place.

I've strongly considered finding a random hookup, so that I can finally lose my virginity before I turn 30, and so that I wouldn't die a virgin.

And it's tearing me apart, because that would surely break my S/O's heart.

I don't want to put him in a position where he only does it with me out of obligation, because that definitely counts as an "uncomfortable situation".

But I also don't want to be a virgin for the rest of my life.

I'm the worst significant other in the world for being so selfish, and I wish I had the balls to do everyone a favor and permanently remove myself from their lives.