Grief coming up 1 year after estrangement

We’re about 1 1/2 months shy of it being a year since I got estranged from my sister and her family.

I thought I’d be “over it” by now, and tbh, I think so did everyone else. We have several birthdays and holidays coming up in the next few months. I also am trying to come out on the other side from a serious medical issue. I think that’s bringing on some grief. I’m normally so independent, but I’ve just been feeling alone in the world.

I’ve been having dreams almost every night for the last week. I’ll be hanging out with my sister, or she’ll reach out to me, or she’ll send me a long text telling me she apologizes and wants to start fresh. I get to show her all the cool stuff I’ve done in the last year. Then I wake up, and none of it happened, because they still hate my guts and consider me dangerous/incompetent.

I guess I’m not really looking for advice…just folks who understand.