isolation

i have an illness that affects my joints and muscles pretty severely. i struggle to stay upright for social gatherings and walking is very painful so i can’t go out for long periods of time. i spend a lot of my social interactions with others silently managing symptoms and trying to keep up. the last time i saw a friend or family member other than my carer was in December and i almost had to go to the emergency room after because i was masking my illness as much as possible to make a good impression which caused myself significant pain.

the loneliness is profound and though i enjoy my own company, there is much that is lost in spending so long without having a conversation with someone you trust.