OP has a good life

Things start back in 4th grade. I shifted to a new place, new friends, everything. Got bullied at my first school for a year, my parents switched me to another school, then lockdown hit. Online classes for 2 years, 5th to 7th. I made friends, but things with my parents started going bad. I used to switch tabs during class and watch YouTube instead. Idk why I did it.

7th grade goes offline, good friends, good things. Then one of my teachers complains to my parents that I walk like a penguin in the corridors. I did, but it was a joke man. Another teacher called me notorious. My dumbass thought it was a compliment. Came home excited to tell my parents. They stopped smiling and got serious. Got 85% that year, parents were kinda satisfied. But I think this is where things with my parents went bad. They never smiled at me man. They never appreciated me. I keep trying to make things right but I always mess up.

Grade 8 goes smoothly but I get 62%. Then 9th grade, classes reshuffled, made an Instagram account, biggest mistake. Already in trouble for low grades, then I felt ignored by my closest friends. I was a loner. We bunked once, got caught, they all had reasons, I had none. My parents were called. I was the sacrifice.

Grade 10, made a new friend, genuinely great guy. But my old friends started ignoring me in the first few months. I started sleeping in class, full days, idk what triggered it. Parents called again.

Then my Instagram got caught. It had stuff I'm ashamed of. I get taunted for it every day.

After that, for 2-3 months, I started cutting myself. I'm past it now. A friend helped me through it.

Preboards were bad. Boards came. Got humiliated in March because of preboard results. Then a friend snitched on me, got my parents involved.

Results came. 88% best of 5. My mom hugged me. I felt happy. Felt appreciated for the first time in a long time.

Then a few days later I asked if I could eat something and she said "apni aukat mein rehkar baat kiya kar, teri aukat nahi hai ye sab maangne ki" [Know your place when you speak, you don't deserve to ask for these things]. She said she wants me to earn a lot of money in life, but she doesn't want to be around me. "Apni shakal mat dikhana mujhe" [Don't show me your face.]

And that's not even the worst of it. She once told me she wished I had died in the hospital when I was born. That kids like me should just die.

That hug, that smile, I realized it was never about me. It was about the result.

I have no achievements. I've never made my parents happy. I hate myself. The more I try to make things right, the more they go wrong. I just keep hurting the people closest to me.

I just needed someone to hear this.