Feeling a little hopeless

I have chronic fatigue and POTS, and constant migraines, EDS, MCAS.

I moved states for my husband's job

I'm basically house bound unless we go out once or twice on the weekends but it's not like big plans we will go to a store, or get lunch, I'm so thankful for my husband, his kindness, and how much he loves me, but I feel like I don't exist when he's not around. Like my whole life is just passing time, aging, and then dying with no sense of purpose or visibility in the world.

I want to make art, I want to write poetry, I want to exist but everything I start is exhausting so I don't finish, my art skills are very sad, and no one really cares about poetry. I used to go read my poetry live where I grew up but there's nothing like that here near me now.

I'm so depressed, I love my husband, I love how safe I feel now away from my family, but the nothingness is crushing.

I don't hang out with people offline because I cannot drive and I have to cancel plans a lot, but I feel just as invisible online, like a ghost haunting the group chats and social media always lurking but feeling so outside of it all

I am drowning in this nothingness

I don't want to spend the next 50 years of my life being invisible and unhappy with an empty existence

I want to create, I want to interact, I want to exist. I want to exist so badly.