idk what to feel

11th bhi over 12th bhi over boards bhi over 2 more days neet also over, but door door se selection ya koi bhi college nhi dikh rha, i feel im stuck and so lost, mehnat bahut ki 2 saal mein but ik andar hi andar ki nhi hoga, i just want to go to college man pls, im so tired , i hardly know what i am anymore, padha jaa nhi rha but padh nhi rhi toh guilt ho rha hai, drop ki himmat nhi, private ke paise nhi, mbbs ke alawa kuch krne ka mann nhi...i just want this to end, i wanna enjoy just basic things, my hobbies, sleep, just doing everything guilt free without thinking of myself a failure. these tears arent stopping either, i feel 3 may ke baad too nothing will change , just the added burden that i fucked it up.