I am a depressive piece of shit that resent my non-NEET brother and my life

I wasn't always a NEET. I was a normal child with good parents, an older brother, and friends. Growing up, people always compared my brother to me: he was smarter, better looking, more social, etc. but it didn't bother me that much, he was a good brother to me. When he went to college was also when I started getting anxiety attacks and depressive episodes. I went from an honor student to someone who barely passed high school.

All of my friends left to college and I couldn't even manage to sit through a class from our local community college. I lost contact with everyone. Slowly I just became more reclusive and end up watching anime and playing video games in my room all day. The worst thing was my older brother tried to talk to me all the time but it was so obvious his life was so different from mine.

He went to a top college, he got a pretty girlfriend, and hung out with lots of friends every day and weekend. By the time he graduated college, I had no friends left and I just wanted to kill myself. As if it wasn't enough to rub it in, his life was just as perfect when he graduated. He got a super high paying engineering job, he proposed and married his college girlfriend. She also has a high paying tech job, they are super happy all the time and travel together and even bought a house recently. I see the dinners that she hosts for their friends on Instagram and it makes me want to die. How can someone like my brother have such a great life when I suffer so badly?

My parents forced me to visit them but it just made me more suicidal. It's not fair that he didn't have the same mental illnesses as me. How come he gets to be rich, happy, and married in a nice house and have friends and a perfect life while I rot in my childhood bedroom despite growing up the same way?

It just makes me hate myself because my parents never say anything. They try their best to be supportive and my brother always tries to help out but I am honestly just disgusted with myself. I can't get over this. His wife always tries to talk to me but I just know they all look down on me. But I am just a piece of shit who hate the people who are closest to me because I am jealous I didn't get what he got too.

This is all standard knowledge for me but what caused me to write this post is that when I went to their new fancy house I realized that my brother had a gaming computer. I didn't know that he gamed. But his wife saw me and talked about how he had always been really into it since they started dating and that him, her, and I should play sometime. She even told me about a recent anime that I really liked. Some people really just have it all. He likes all the same dumb loser things as me like video games and anime and still managed to get everything in life and even a fucking pretty wife that likes them too. I really should just fucking end it and save everyone else the fucking shame of enduring my presence.