Trying to achieve a dream of mine, while being an absolutely inconsistent mess of a person

So, one of the things I have often read here over the years, is that consistency is key in trying to befriend crows. I understand that they can learn people's schedules, and are sticklers for routine much of the time.

Now, trying to befriend and feed crows has been a dream of mine for a few years, during the same time my mental health started rapidly deteriorating. For a long time, I felt I was quite unable to go to the lengths required to build any kind of trust, as I was just not in the appropriate circumstances to even really try.

The story of my life is essentially, 'I had a dream, but then realised that I don't have the wherewithal to actually achieve it'. Recently however, a few things have changed. Firstly, I started on a new medication that restored some of my motivation. Secondly, my grandmother died. While that's obviously a bad thing, I subsequently started caring for and walking her dog on a daily basis.

So I'm suddenly much more active again, regularly going outside after months of moping around indoors. On many days, I walk in the early afternoon, and I walk past this crow (which I'm pretty sure is the same one I pass each time). It seems pretty unbothered by me, not really moving much further away even when I walk relatively close by.

This strikes me with the realisation that I might finally be able to pursue this particular dream of mine, after uselessly yearning for it for so long. In the last week or two, I've begun carrying peanuts with me, both whenever I walk my dog, and just when I feel like walking by myself.

I've developed a whistle that I now use when I'm ready to give food (although I'm really not very good at whistling), and I've been throwing peanuts up into the air so that they can see them (and having to be careful because I know they don't like things being thrown in their general direction). I've been walking away and sometimes circling back after a little while to check if anything I have offered has been taken, although I am slightly worried that this circling back might make them more distrustful of my intentions.

Now, I felt like I was having a little bit of success, obviously it's early days so I'm not expecting too much yet. A few times, I fed the bold little crow that I would regularly pass in the afternoons. I even had a crow appear pretty close to me after I repeated my whistle a few times (although I'm not sure if that was coincidence or not, it only happened once).

Unfortunately though, my problems haven't exactly gone away, nor have my mental health struggles. I'm having issues with energy, I'm still helping arrange a funeral, and I'm going to be moving house in the relatively near future (all very time-consuming). I am also infamously absolutely terrible at maintaining a consistent daily routine.

Knowing that I'm not going to be around in the afternoons as often, I've tried becoming an early riser for the first time in my life (I've always been a night owl type), aiming to wake up shortly after sunrise so I can feed the crows early in the day when I'm more available and they are more active. This, predictably, hasn't gone very well for me so far. Sometimes I try to feed them in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, it's basically a different time every day. I've even tried it in the evenings with little success.

I feel like my level of progress, although not tremendous before, has now come to a standstill. A lot of the time, I try to feed some that I've seen nearby, but they either don't know what I'm doing or are just ignoring me. I'm worried that they are just going to lose interest in me and stay away, because they never know what I'm doing. I have a great opportunity here, and I'm worried about wasting it by being an inconsistent mess of a person.

The other problem that makes it all worse is the fact that I'm doing this at a time where I'm going to be soon moving away from the seaside town I have been living in for the last 17 years. I need to get it together quickly, or I'm going to have to start over elsewhere. I'll likely be moving inland to a smaller town, and I'm also worried that they'll be more skittish in that area, to the point where I won't have any success at all.

Sooo... yeah. That's a lot of problems and worries. Just wanted to share my experience so far to be honest, and see what input people might have. This kinda turned into me venting a bit, sorry about that.