help with closing a life period from a narc dad

my dad is a perfect covert narcissist. after years of being extremely uncomfortable i have ended up not seeing him, contact by texting only, since august of 2025. there was clearly something being massively held away as the time period since then has been an incredibly developmental period but this is a different story.

i’m 19 and live at a separate and safe house. we exchange texts every few days on average, mostly i’m asking questions about how he sees this situation ending up, what he thinks/feels of it, why he didn’t do certain things (he was medically neglectful, often medical denying and emotionally neglectful + immature) but to no avail.

still it has been interesting learning about this type of person, just unfortunately happens to be from what was supposed to be my father figure.

with no development, i want to move to being more assertive now

his parents died last year and a few years ago (he didn’t see them for a large part of his life and would always speak badly of them. the narrative now is that my ‘psychotic and insane’ mum who i live with manipulated him via coercive control. hint: she is the last person in the entire world that would do this and was the main victim in reality) so whenever i want to state something because i’m done with questions, he can easily flip this and ask me ‘when is the last time you asked me how i was?’ and speak of his parents death which immediately makes me look like a horrible awful inconsiderate selfish person attacking the innocent victim of himself. he can say that i’m being delusional and manipulated into it.

he has a huge support network by the way; entirely new shallow partner who questions nothing yet judges everything (engaged already), her family, two boys who are more ‘normal’ than i am, his side of the family, a mortgaged house. lots.

he acts clueless on the whole awful situation between himself and his firstborn and i feel like i’m screaming at him that the house is burning down while he just sits there surrounded by flames acting like i’m delusional.

i really need help on how to respond properly. just ‘leaving it’ would be beyond unbearable. i must be the one to close it off because everyday where this is the final word is insufferable to me, it’s just personality.

i can’t say anything or he will make me look like the aforementioned horrible awful self-centred person and will probably speak about me in that way even though all he ever does with others’ emotional struggles is laugh, ignore, deny, minimise.