I can’t handle waiting but it’s all I can do

I’m gonna be outright. Basically I had some conflict with a friend I was very attached to. We spilt apart briefly and I fell into a very deep depression.

Things are looking better now (and that’s all they’re going to do, look good) I was basically left with the message “it’s going to take a while to trust you again”

In the two days since I got that message my mind cannot handle the uncertainty. It’s something very important to me and I don’t have any way to help myself, and I have fallen into fits of suicidal mania that I’m not sure how long I can extend my will for, he’s a busy person and probably hasn’t had much time to think about it but I can’t live with this kind of uncertainty. I’m either gonna ask him in person before he’s ready or I’m gonna kill myself and I’m scared of both