What’s the most ridiculous language you’ve seen in an employment contract?

I’m still new to the field and when I saw my first employment contract it boggled my mind. The non-solicitation is silly, the non-compete feels like a flagrant labor law violation, and the idea of tying benefits to client quotas seems unethical.

But my “favorite” part was that the contract stated I would receive 40% of the split, so I asked the practice owner about it. He said he pays 50%. So, after an extended pause I asked “could we…make the contract say 50% then?” And he said no. I went elsewhere.

I can’t help but imagine there’s all sorts of crazy bs in some of these contracts. What’s the clause that made your eyes roll into the back of your head?