just ranting

some days when i am alone i get these never ending thoughts, i dive deep into what aboutism and it takes alot of confidence and optism from me.

I have always tried helping everyone, always listened to their problems, gave advices where i saw fit and solved their problems like my own but when it comes to me there is no one i can look up to put my head on and rest for a bit. I don't expect anything when i help people but sometimes i wish i had some help too. It's okay to not have anyone too i guess because i am still thriving, still living my best life. I hope to be invisible yet i crave attention. I just wish i was born in a better world where i didn't have to fight everything and everyone. Where i didn't have to hide myself. I hate sharing yet i end up oversharing, i hate people but all i do is try to please people it's so frustrating and annoying. i hope one day i reach the height of success no one has ever reached. hopefully, i won't be feeling like this after that.

Today the feelings are overwhelming. I am an avoidant person but heaven knows how many restless nights and tears it took to become one. Genuinely hoping to turn into a stone so I wouldn't feel anything.