We give everything and get nothing in return

Being ugly makes you realize how even for friendships your worth is based on how attractive your face and body are which determines your perceived social value…..

If you don’t have this naturally you’ll probably never be truly valued or cared for, at least that’s been my experience

Since I’m ugly the few friends I’ve had who have said they appreciated me for being able to understand them on a deep level and allowing them to vent to me about their problems that they didn’t wanna vent to their other friends about in fear of tainting their friendship STILL didn’t value me as much as their other friends

And even being given the label of “best friend” I always wondered why that was? What makes them so much more important, special, and valuable?

and the answer was simply their face, their looks, their attractiveness… that’s all it was

I just got off the phone with one of my old high school friends and she spent the whole time talking about this bisexual guy who is admittedly extremely attractive. She was bragging about how much he flirts with her and how much they hang out and how after she finishes hang out with him she’s gonna hang out with one of her other friends… and it made me feel worthless because I don’t have that option… I don’t think I ever have

I’m lucky if I’m able to hang out with someone ONCE a month, otherwise I live in complete isolation and it is extremely depressing and drives me crazy at times

And it’s like I feel like we, or at least myself, is always there to listen to people, to pour into their cups when my cup is damn near empty

I sometimes feel extremely unappreciated and drains because people will call me to boost their emotions and moods. Like they’ll call me to talk about something that’s bothering them or something they’re excited about and I can tell they get energy from how engaging I am with them about it

And honestly I’m only that way because if I’m not I’m not even able to have the illusion of friendship. Since im ugly if I’m not a free therapist or emotional support no one cares to acknowledge me

and after they’re doing lifting themselves up they go on to live their fun lives with their many friends

While im left with nothing and no one

And it makes me hate being ugly so much because I know if I was even slightly more attractive they’d value me SOOO much more

Rather than use me like this