Enduring the loss of community

Yesterday I went to the meeting to support a family member giving a Bible reading during the CO visit. For context, I'm a PIMO married to a PIMI and I'm fairly far along in my deconversion journey. A couple years of religious trauma therapy (and yes, couples therapy), intense personal research, emotional and social distance from the religion (and most adherents), and forging a new self-conception were all vital. Of course, I carry wounds like most here, but I have come to terms with them and they do not excessively hinder me.

I'm writing this post because despite my best attempts to move on, I know there is still something I will always lack. Something I am reminded of every 2-3 times a year I inadvertently wind up at a meeting. That is a sense of community. Young children talking to and learning from the elderly. The small chat among teenagers under the curious and watchful eyes of their parents. The blending of folks from different socioeconomic backgrounds who otherwise may never cross paths. All stages of life on display. A sense of camaraderie and that you belong somewhere. This is precious.

I say the following as someone who is agnostic and functionally an atheist. Religion, for all its evils, has served a unique role in society. Religion gives people explanations why we exist. It gives people purpose. It gives people a guidebook for morality and navigating life's problems. And, most relevant for this post, it gives people community. BTW, if you have never seen Alain de Botton's Ted talk on what the non-religious can learn from religion, please watch it.

You can shed religion. Embrace complex physics theories on how a universe can arise from nothing. Rely on evolution to explain how we got here. Create your own purpose in life. Derive your morality from philosophy and human instincts (evolved or otherwise). But, chances are that if you left the organization after your formative years, you have experienced this loss of community. You alone simply cannot recreate it. A few lucky ones may find a reasonable replacement, but I wager many, if not most, of us never will.

I am grateful I found this subreddit years ago. This subreddit is likely the best, if not the only, community that many of us have. The only place we can feel seen and heard. That is a testament to the value of this subreddit. But that is also an incredibly depressing thought. Maybe this loneliness is the price we pay for being true to ourselves and pursuing truth.

If you made it to the end, thanks for reading this. Would love to hear your stories and your thoughts.

Take care all!