I dont know if i can go any longer

Ik this is a happy place or something but i just wanted to vent so i lost my elder brother a few months ago and my body and brain have been on some sort of auto pilot ever since and i have the most important exam of my life tomorrow and i and almost certain that i will fail at it(it to get into a medical college) and sure i have people i can call friends some have been my friends for so long that i refer to them as my brother and sister but for some reason i just can't talk to them about this maybe because i feel lacking compared to them(one of them owns a company earning a shit ton of money although he did offer 10% of his company to me for absolutely nothing) plus i dont want them to worry about me i am sure my sister from another mother still stays up at night to make sure that i can talk to her if i want to but i dont want her to worry. its my job to worry about her not the other way around and i know i sound like a idiot or something but i dont know if i can go any longer, my brother was the only one in front of whom i could be ME and ever since his death i have been a shell yeah i do laugh but its just pretending at this point

And the cherry on top is that the exam centre is a place where i went last with my brother

so yeah in addition not being prepared for the exam i dont know how will i be able to focus on it