Tips on dual health insurance in the US?

So I have 2Js and my wife is pregnant so we've had tons of doctor visits this year. I opted for both insurances in case I lose a job and at least my family will be covered by the other. According to some posts on this subreddit, I had to call in both insurances and set up a "coordination of benefits" so that the same insurance is the "primary". Well I tried that today and it seems like they both think they are primary and when I asked to switch the primary of J2 to J1, J2's insurance said "it's not allowed, your employer is always your primary". So what do I do in this situation? Should I just continue going to the doctor and whoever bills me can bill me? I rather just pay a bit more than have to deal with them contacting my employer.