idk how you can live with yourself

You fought with me during my exams, you targeted me during midterms. You made me stop wearing makeup and skirts or shorts. You broke up with me for going to the gym. You broke up with me when you were mad. You broke up with me if I was mad. You broke up with me 50 times in the past year and made me lose my confidence, self-worth, and life. You forced me to change everything about myself and you never changed anything about yourself. You told me to throw my family away and stay with you forever. You never celebrated a single birthday of mine, because you’d break up with me. No birthdays, no valentines, yet we always celebrated yours. I never asked for anything, yet I was a “gold digger.” You made me convince your parents to like me and you didn’t want to convince mine. and you’d still call me a gold digger. You didn’t care about my graduation. You told me your parents would be mad if I started school now because we’d delay marriage so I listened to you. You accused me of sleeping with my cousin. You said I wasn’t a virgin. You let your friends interfere with our relationship constantly, but the one time I told my friend you hit me, you broke up with me for it. You didn’t care about me.

I don’t know why you did all these things to me. You knew I was hurting when you met me, and you said you wanted to make me happy. I don’t know what I did in this lifetime to deserve what added extra pain you put me through. I tried so hard to love you and make everything work and you tortured me for it. You hurt me so bad & you crushed my spirit. You put me through so much unnecessary pain and suffering I don’t know what to do with it all. I think about hurting myself a lot because I don’t know what else to do about it.
I’m always so sad. But what’s sadder is that you see yourself as a victim. You can’t even bring yourself to apologize to me. You tortured me and you don’t even care. Idk how you can live with yourself