I'm sick of myself 🫩

I hate myself so much for how I've ruined myself and my life in the past 1 year. I could've done so much better and I shouldn't have done some things which I somehow did because I'm just a loser and those things are now affecting my life a lot and I can't even tell anyone what I've done, it's so bad. I don't even recognize myself and I don't even want to look at myself, I can't escape myself, I haunt myself, leaving me alone is like leaving me with an abuser.