Not sure on what it all means.

Okay so I’m really just needing a safe place to word vomit all of my feelings and what I’m going through.

Let’s take it from the top. When I was 16 going into 17 years old I was in a relationship with a woman. She was older (26). We both worked at the movie theater together and when I first saw her it was love at first sight.

Back then I thought I was straight so having those feelings confused me a lot. Well I didn’t know she was a lesbian until we got to know each other. Some time goes by, I turn 17 and we hooked up. It was fucking magical. In turn we started to date each other.

We didn’t tell anyone important (family) because I didn’t have any, and her mother was super conservative and religious. If Her mother knew she was a lesbian she would have disowned her.

I joined the Marine Corps shortly after. Before I left for boot camp things got super serious. After I became a marine and got to my first duty station we talked about marriage. After my first year in, we got married back in my home state

(back then only a few states did same sex marriage) this was also a time of don’t ask don’t tell in the military.

We couldn’t tell anyone, but people knew. So I was used to having a secret when it came to the general public.

Fast forward a bit and we got divorced. She cheated on me…… so yea.

Back in 2017 I met my now husband. My husband knew I was married before, but not to a woman. He never asked and I never openly told him. I guess because I had to keep a secret due to the times and circumstances.

When I say NO one, not even my best friend (male) knows I’m bi sexual. Most people think im gay (I’m a huge tomboy). I just deny it, and couldn’t really tell you why I deny it.

No I’m not afraid or ashamed, I just don’t tell anyone. It’s just that simple.

Anyway, here recently my bisexual tendencies are coming in hard and fast. I find myself watching more lesbian tv shows/movies and blushing. I’ve been day dreaming about some of my straight female friends/co workers in sexual ways.

I find myself more attracted to women than men some days. A part of me wants to explore that side more, but I’m legitimately in a happy healthy relationship with my husband. I love that man more than life itself. And we have a beautiful family. I would leave my husband before I would ever cheat or anything like that. I know all too well on what that feels like.

I’m not here to debate that fact at all. I just want to vent here. And I recently just found this sub Reddit.

I know that I will never be with another woman again and that kinda sucks. I’m just confused on why all of a something out of nowhere I’m feeling all of this.