I’ve been trying to find solutions to handling my husbands wandering eyes and he keeps asking me questions when I just want to move on from it. Please help

My husband 34 and I 31 have lived together for two years and this is something I have always had a problem with.

Listen, I know my own insecurities and have handled them on my own with therapy and I also take antidepressants. He does as well and has also gone through therapy and recently finished.

I genuinely want to know what’s the best way to approach this because I have tried to talk to him about this time and time again before we got married.

At first he used to get defensive and yell that I’m accusing him but later admitted I was right. I caught him again over time and that time he was understanding and admitted/knows he looks at women a lot. Still didn’t help but it was progress.

Over time he has yelled at me saying that it’s all in my head because of my insecurity and that it’s not his fault my exs always cheated on me and flirted with other women. (this was uncalled for and no he is not responsible to help me with me insecurity I am still learning to cope and get help for myself)

Eventually, I just would get tired. The thing is we smoke in front of our house which means we see people/neighbors walk by almost always everyday day and night.

Yes we’re huge smokers. Point is, I notice he always looks at the specific neighbors we have. But the one that pains me the most that is hard to ignore is the girl from across the street.

I have noticed it, I have sighed, I have talked about it cordially, I have made eye contact and showing my discomfort. He would get upset with me completely.

His argument mind you is this, we’re doing so good that’s what I don’t get?! (As in, we do so well as a couple we cook together clean together have our doggies together and honestly life has been amazing together it’s LITERALLY just the fact that he looks at our neighbor)

So he’s right I thought? And yes I get it people are going to say it’s creepy. Look that’s not the advice I’m looking for. What I ended up doing was I gave up trying to talk things out and getting him to understand how uncomfortable I feel. I gave up trying to explain that I feel less of a wife and that all of my efforts are worthless simply because this girl who is obviously nothing like me (lighter skin [which btw he said I’m the first dark gf/wife he’s ever been with] she’s skinnier, beautiful long hair, always shows her stomach every day, and always wears tight clothes. Sometimes she wears the same jeans for four days straight but only changed her shirt and he still fucking looks.

My point is…. I want to smoke in peace. I hate that I get anxiety to smoke outside with him now. My heart is broken…. It breaks everytime I see it and it keeps me from progressing on my jealousy and insecurities… I’m a grown ass woman and I just want to smoke in peace at my own home….

So I moved from our usual smoking spoke towards the far end where the cars semi cover our view. He’s noticed. Thought it was weird and would stand in front of me trying to look over his car to see if he can still look across the street. I’m being very serious I notice it.

I say nothing. I move more to casually get him to not have her home in sight. I feel insane.

Eventually he asked me why do I sit here now and I said because I am tired of feeling uncomfortable so I moved here to smoke instead. He said oh ok?

He asked me again a couple of days later. Yesterday to be exact. I said I want to feel comfortable when I smoke and this is the solution I have found.

He said: solution for what?

Me: solution to no longer feeling uncomfortable.

Him: what’s been making you feel that way? Did someone tell you something? Did someone talk shit or approached you?

Me: no? Nobody said anything to me? And none of those. Also I don’t want to talk about.

Him: but why are you uncomfortable?

Me: listen I have talked about it a bunch of times of my discomfort and I’m tired so I took it upon myself to find a solution and to be very honest it doesn’t seem to be working too well anyway so I’m thinking of smoking at the alley.

Him: what why? Why are you doing this?

Me: hey I said I don’t want to talk about it. When you asked me why I am sitting her I respectfully said I am just trying to find a solution to my discomfort so I can smoke peacefully again. I am only telling you this because you asked me not because I am implying that I need to talk about this with you. I am simply answering your question.

Him: well now that’s making me feel worried…

Me: what? Why? I’m literally saying that I quietly am looking for a solution and that’s it. Now I am going to keep smoking.

This is the interaction. My heart is racing and I’m anxious but I keep it together and smoke.

Now today I was outside smoking he was inside talking to me through the window that’s not fully open so he can’t really see too much outside. We were talking about moving when I notice she’s outside moving things in out of their car and my husband is finally home because he’s sick and I just want to enjoy his company because I love him so much and I don’t want to let the day get ruined by seeing him notice her…. But it’s becoming a problem in my daily life now…

Anywho he’s heating up our food and I come in to close all the blinds and windows before we watch our movie. He sits down and is low energy almost upset. I notice but try not to acknowledge it. He sits down and asks why did you close the window and blinds? (The reason why this is kind of weird that he asks is because he almost always liked leaving everything closed especially when he’s not feeling that great) I said: oh because I’m tired of the light reflecting on the tv so I wanna watch the movie better.

He said: oh but it feels so stuffy.

Look…. I really wanted to say: well you can get up and open it if you’d like or he could have simply asked me if I can just crack it open. He didn’t. He questioned my motives. This is why it’s confirming my feelings about his wandering eyes….

Especially when he questioned me moving spots from where I normally smoke.

Husbands and wives please help me… I’m just trying to keep the peace… I don’t know what to do because when he asked me this I couldn’t eat anymore I was too anxious….but I lied and said I have nausea from my period so I just can’t eat atm…

Need advice on how to keep the peace with my husband who constantly looks at our neighbor when we’re outside smoking Tl;dr we both smoke outside and we always see everyone but he looks at a specific neighbor everyday. I am tired of it and just want to smoke in peace. He wants to know what’s wrong and I don’t know what to tell him anymore than what I already have in the past.