I'm struggling again and I don't know what to do.

When I was nine my fourteen year old male cousin sexually assaulted me. I was always the only girl at family events, my brother, him, and his brother are all 5 or more years older than me. He made it a game of 'eating me', at first like he was an animal and eventually he touched me. I didn't say anything for two years until I reached the point where I felt like I was going to commit suicide if i didn't tell anyone. So i told my parents, and obviously it was a difficult process. A few times my dad told me that he was very young and it was something he didn't understand either. Years later, my dad tells me that when he SA'd me his side of the family were having a very difficult time. He said that my cousin didn't understand what was going on so he acted out- he also told me some story about when he didn't understand something difficult when he was a child so he stole some sweets or something. He's currently going through therapy but my dad keeps telling me he's in a dark place and he vanishes a lot during family times. Eventually I went down the therapy route but it was so late on that i didn't want to talk about it and i didn't know how to with a therapist. But those few moments affect me everywhere i go- i'm extremely hyper aware in some situations and for a long time i was terrified of men- i still am at times. I hate how much what he changed me and that he had no reprimand whatsoever. he had more help than i did. He brought his girlfriend around once when we were there and i felt so bad for her. I feel scared for his mother too, because I genuinely believe he could do it again and he is a lot physically stronger than them. But I was doing okay- a little unsteady after those recent events, but okay. Then, I learnt more news. My grandpa overdosed on sleeping pills again and had to go to the hospital- i wasn't told this, i found out for myself. It just feels like there isn't even a semblance of trust in my family and I hate being with them so much sometimes. Learning that really messed up my emotions again for a bit- i don't self harm as much as i used to- i only do it occasionally and when things get really bad. But I had a bit of a breakdown in my school bathrooms and I nearly messaged my dad that i needed to go back to therapy. The only thing is, therapy was expensive and i know all my school fees are expensive and my brothers university fees are also really big too. And, I care more about my brother not having to worry about money than dealing with this. I know it's no healthy but he was my reason for living for so long, i don't know what i'd do without him. The highs are high and the lows are low so i just need to be as balanced as i can. Still, sometimes the freedom I dream of from when I leave home seems too far away to be worth it. But the SA makes it so hard to form trusting relationships- especially romantic ones- and it feels like with my friendships i'll never be able to fully let someone in. Like with the money, the only reason I haven't told anyone else is for my brother, he's worked so hard and he's so clever and he's doing so well; he deserves to be able to have a normal family. I just don't know how to keep going in this state of uncertainty.