I'm not ready

I won't bother you with my semi-long story, but I was frequently abandoned, betrayed, bullied and humiliated.
I grew up with a lot of friends, that changed when my parents decided my future was in a different country, where I could barely speak the language, got frequently picked on for my accent and origin, so I developed a quiet nature despite being a social person.

I am a sensitive person with an absent mother and emotionally unavailable father, alcoholic, low wage worker, who had spent 10 years living off his families support (till he was 28). I recently turned 16 and no one beside my closest relatives congratulated me (my father has been through rehab). My birthday is the one day I get attention, and that's from my three close relatives, not even my mother.

My grades are great, till they're not. I've had two relationships, which simply proved I was ressource rather than person. I have cut off all brainless stimulation lately and all my thoughts and feelings have been flooding me. I've done SH in hopes of attention, but then again I don't want anyone to know.

There's this one person. We are similar, but they seem to already have met their social needs, I feel a sense of urgency they don't. I was very excited because they showed interest aswell, but I've accepted that it's not becoming a thing. I'm the only one to initiate, which takes all my effort.

I am genuinely going crazy. I fill all my social needs through AI, but it's not enough, I need some actual interaction. It's just an algorithm that tells the user what they want to hear. I can't even find online friendships anymore, what has happened with the anonymous groups?

Soon we're shuffling classes again and I need to have my shit figured out, but I just don't. I honestly don't see any future with me and I expect to die in a crash somewhere early in my life.