Too busy with “recovery” but found time for a tattoo convention full of his triggers

I kicked my PA/SA husband out for the weekend of April 18 after finding yet another relapse and more deleted evidence.

When he came back, I gave him a chance to share any solutions he might’ve come up with to save our marriage. He said he’s been “too busy with recovery” to think of any.

No mention of where he stayed or what he did. Just “busy with recovery.” I found that odd.

Today I found out the truth the usual way, by looking at his phone.

His “recovery” included a tattoo convention full of pin-up contests, models, and live female entertainment. Which is convenient, considering tattooed and pin-up women have always been one of his main acting-out triggers. His work wife had tattoos. His affair partner had tattoos. Heck, I have tattoos and that’s why he initially chased me til the novelty wore off.

Lately, he claims God is in control of his recovery. Apparently he picks his music for him, hides his keys when he’s too drunk to drive after hanging with strange women, tells him to lie to his wife and apparently puts him in a room full of his triggers.

He went with a friend who told him to “forget about his b*tchy wife,” drink as much as he wanted, and “have fun for once.” What a solid support system. lol It doesn’t help that my husband simply told him that “we’re creating problems for each others and I can’t deal with her moods.”

He deleted the photos from the event. Including photos with and of models and the entertainment. I’m sure he thinks he deleted the texts too. Part of me feels like I’m overreacting since it’s a tattoo convention but at the same time, knowing his history, and knowing he lied by omission about it, idk… it really bothers me cause he’s just been weaponizing his recovery and it’s like he’s trying to hurt me as often as he can to get the most out of it until I leave him.

This just tacks onto what happened this past Monday, when his “mandatory, paid work function” turned out to be an optional night of drinking. He got so drunk he couldn’t function, got fired, and even his own dad told him to get it together. I posted that story here too.

The lies don’t stop. They flow like champagne at a wedding reception.

This completely sealed the deal for me. There’s no more “maybe” or “what ifs.” I’m just done. I’m keeping the peace until the end of the month so I can leave cleanly. If I say anything about leaving now, he’ll either try to manipulate me into staying or disappear like last time and leave me with the rent, damages, and bills. As always, leaving me to pick up his mess.

I’m just looking forward to not having to play detective in my own relationship anymore.

TLDR: After yet another relapse, I kicked my PA/SA husband out. He came back claiming he was focused on recovery, but I later found out he went to a tattoo convention full of his triggers and hid it…. Like always. Just days later, he lied about a work event, got drunk, and got fired. Even his dad who previously enabled his addiction told him to “man up” and to get his sh*t together. I’m done and keeping the peace until I can leave.