Husband forgot my birthday, then yelled at me for saying it hurt my feelings.

We've been together 8 years, married for 2. He's never forgotten my birthday before. There's a lot of context here; please bear with me while I write through my feelings.

Two years before we got married he opted to join the forces. He asked me about it beforehand, and I said if that career is what he really wants, I support him. He called me to tell me he applied. I expressed I wished he had talked to me before, just so I knew what timeline we were working with for the processing of his application (things move quickly here), but I was happy for him and would support him in any way I could. I made good on that promise; I drove him to basic training, sent him care packages and letters, made myself available whenever he could call, and made sure to build my own life while he was away. I had two gym communities, friends, a full time job, my own car and paid all my own bills. I was happy.

He finished basic training and I picked him up. We celebrated! He had post basic education to complete for over a year so I made sure I made time for him. He was posted out but there wasn't any housing for us. He lived in the officer building (non members can't live there) while we waited for housing. He made the housing decision for where we would live without me, then essentially summoned me to move out of province. I asked for some time to get affairs in order, and I'd move when everything was set up. I got laid off from my job. Our lives turned upside down. I was pissed that he treated me like a box he could ship, that he didn't have any concern or consideration for the whole life I was leaving behind; I was sad about leaving everyone and everything I've ever known! When I moved, he shifted. All of a sudden I wasn't grateful enough to be there. Happy enough. Intimate enough. Spoiler alert: when you yell at your wife, calling her a bitch because she's homesick and lonely (I didn't know ANYBODY but him there), she probably won't want to sleep with you! I still made sure despite my not working, I'd apply for jobs, clean, cook, organize. All this man did was go to work for maximum 5 hours a day, go to the gym, eat, and play video games. He didn't have to do anything but take out the trash.

We worked through it as best we could. I brought up the idea of returning to school because I hadn't found a job and it'd been two years of searching. He said "if it brings you purpose and joy, you should go for it!". I went for it. I got in. His support turned into resentment. He's been shitty to me ever since. His family was shitty to me too. "Why do you want to do this? Why not do something else?", as if I didn't deserve to pursue my own career goals and dreams. We put our lives on hold for years for his but now I'm the villain because I'm asking for time to complete schooling? Whatever!

My birthday came around last year. His family came to visit us. No one even asked me about it. I wasn't included in their plan. I was further excluded when they visited. I cleaned and cooked for everyone all day, and they treated me like I shouldn't have been there. It was my birthday weekend and I spent it surrounded by people who treated me like shit. They threw a birthday party, but it was for our nephew and BIL whose birthdays weren't even until the following month. I was fuming.

I gunned for my education. I moved back home. I just finished first year. My birthday came, I called my husband, who had been texting me complaining about a delivery for his computer being untimely. He paused and said "happy birthday! You thought I forgot didn't you!"

I said "You did. You didn't text me, or call, you were having normal, everyday conversation. If I hadn't called I don't know if you would've remembered."

He said "I didn't forget, I just forgot what day it was, I didn't even realize it was today"

I didn't yell. I didn't raise my voice. I just said "I don't know what to say to you right now so I'm going to let you go. Talk to you later".

I let him know it hurt. He yelled at me. "It's not that big a deal! It's ONE time! I've never forgotten before and I didn't even really forget!" He got defensive, wouldn't admit that he forgot, told me I was overreacting, when I hadn't done or said anything besides it hurt my feelings. He says he shouldn't have to deal with this because of all that he does for us. NB: he only pays for my cellphone bill. I pay for everything else on my own.

He sent me some chatgpt apology, and I said thanks but it still just stings, and you yelling at me is just not ok, I'm hurting and you don't have any compassion for me. He reverted from I'm sorry to you're making such a big deal out of nothing. Imo you're not really sorry then?

Anyway, it's been a while. I haven't really spoken to him much. Just surface level stuff. I'm really hurt. He hasn't made any effort to make it up to me, to apologize for real.

Husbands, what is your take on this? If you had done this, what would you have done about it?

Wives, have you had to forgive something your husband clearly isn't sorry for and has no intention of fixing?

How do I navigate this? I'm in individual therapy. We're in couple's counselling and we'll discuss this at our next appointment but this is eating me alive and I'm desperate for some perspective. Thank you, if you read this far. I really appreciate it.