Loser_me

I feel dumb for calling my ex-situationship and telling him I still love him. I cried on the phone, and he told me to call back once I stopped crying because it was “annoying.” Looking back, I understand how overwhelming it probably was to hear someone crying nonstop, but what hurts most is missing the version of him who used to comfort me at the slightest sign that I was upset.

I miss the person he was before his feelings for me faded. I keep wondering if there was something I could’ve done differently. If I could’ve tried harder, been better, or somehow kept him interested.

It’s been almost a month of no contact, but for me, that month has been spent crying almost every night, revisiting every date we had, rereading our old texts, and wearing the clothes he left at my place just to remember his scent. I know it sounds pathetic, but I don’t know how to let go of someone who became my entire comfort system.

What makes it harder is that I don’t really have anyone else. He was my closest friend, the person I confided in, the person who listened to me and understood me. Now, when we talk, he barely lets me finish a sentence before interrupting me or ending the call. It hurts realizing how drastically someone’s care for you can change.

I hated the thought of losing him completely, so I asked if we could stay friends. He agreed, but deep down I can tell it was more out of pity than genuine desire to keep me in his life, and somehow that hurts even more.

Posting this on Reddit since it’s the only thing I could think of to let these feelings out, because I don’t really have anyone else willing to listen.