wanted to order a banana split today and thought of you.

Who knew how much things would change between us in such a short amount of time.
Your were mine.
I was yours. Now…

I can hear your voice when I close my eyes. But I’m not yours.
I can feel your touch when I’m about to fall asleep. But you’re not mine.
Your voice has been rocking me to sleep again. Even though you’re gone. I miss you like a phantom limb. I keep myself moving so I don’t think of you. My world has been smoldering for months. I’m pretty sure I’m genuinely mortally dying and I’m so scared. I could be surrounded by a room of people and still feel so alone.
This is the time when I like to kick myself when I’m down and think how thankful I am that you shut me out and left. Because I don’t think you being with me wouldve somehow saved me. I would drag you down here with me. And I love you so much. I want to see you thrive and grow how you deserve. I just dont think I’ll ever stop having the urge to eat your laugh and hoard your smile. Sometimes my health and waning memory scare me. Sometimes i just break my own heart over and over thinking of all the memories of you I’m also losing too. It’s like i cant shake the pain of losing you. It wasn’t enough to lose you once. No.
This is death by a thousand little cuts.
Watching you leave me. Then hearing you’re with her. That you’re finally living the life you deserve.
Watching her give you the child I couldn’t.
The child I can’t. I can’t give you babies and happy endings. And she can. And it breaks my fucking heart.
But.
Anyways.
I almost ordered a banana split today.
Then realized I couldn’t stomach it.
Going to sleep.

Night.

Never yours.