It has been upgraded from debacle to train wreck now, but we picked up all the pieces of the train strewn about and are good to go now, after it got so much worse!

This is too great not to follow up on. Remember the "I need to disable a stolen laptop without destroying any data or accounts but net user active:no won't work because it's a domain account" post?

Short version: we're an MSP. A company was shutting down. There was a dispute about pay between 2 people that is now a lawsuit. We're caught in the middle, as the IT management company. A court order exists that an employee was supposed to return their work laptop. The owner said they didn't. I had an alert where in Ninja RMM saw the laptop turn on, send an email to me. AHA, finally, time to nuke it.

I got a call on lunch: wrong laptop. UM WHAT?! First of all, they were lying. It had already been sent back. I didn't compare serial numbers to the court order because their company has 7 computers in Ninja and 2 are servers. Also, this is the one that had the ex employee's username as the "last logged in." You wouldn't check further either and you know it lol.

So I remote nuked it. Script works perfectly btw. Strongly recommended! VERY clever!  
Intune/Remote-Lock.ps1 at main · HankMardukasNY/Intune · GitHub  
Intune/Remote-Unlock.ps1 at main · HankMardukasNY/Intune · GitHub

We wanted to prevent access to the local copies of the Outlook emails as soon as possible! So when I saw it was still online and responding after 60 seconds of sending the script, (and I appended a shutdown command to the script), I assumed it failed and sent the backup "destroy the boot loader" script.

It was running windows updates during the shutdown. That's why it was still responding. Luckily the syntax was wrong because AI wrote the command and I didn't have time to test it, as testing it would destroy a computer. Or it's not compatible with 25h2 or something.

Anyway, employee calls in and says we locked the wrong laptop and that it's her personal laptop. HAHAHA not falling for that one, you manipulative villian! I have the receipts!

I check. It's Windows 11 Home, HP 15 series. Why TF is that in Ninja?! Oh, her work laptop broke so we put ninja on this one so she could use her personal one to access work stuff one time like 3 years ago and nobody undid it. Fantastic.

So, I disabled her personal laptop. Awesome. And she likes suing people. Well, through some Twilight Zone level circumstances that I can and would defend in court, that's what happened.

Employee was very understanding about it, especially the way I phrased what happened and how and why. Very nice lady actually. I hope she wins the lawsuit. She even said "yeah, I can see why having it enrolled in your management thing would be misleading. That was my bad." and I'm like, "UH NO, I'm the one who screwed up BADLY!" but didn't say that, cause she likes suing people.

But now they know what I look like, so I have to wear a disguise if I go to the court hearing and sit in the gallery. Darn. I wanted to see who won. This is a very engaging soap opera so far with lots of half-truths and twists and turns.

Hilarious followup on the stolen laptop debacle