I don't know how to gain control of my life

And idk what to do, I don't know how people do it. I swear I have the desire — I think people in this group will understand that. But still, I make mistakes with work and with money and relationships; everything feels like it's out of my control. I want control and to feel safe and stable so bad, and I've just been unable to figure out what works for me. It's so depressing and so crippling. I don't even know where to turn to for help. I'm also more visible than the average person, thanks to my social media blowing up so the shame of not being in control... I just can't tell anyone.