My story

I just want some kind of closure.

I grew up in a very religious Muslim environment, where being gay was never okay. Even though I left that about a year ago, those beliefs still affect how I see myself.

About four years ago, a guy messaged me pretending to be a girl. When I found out, I didn’t stop, I got curious. I started asking questions about what it’s like to be with men, and he sent me videos. I watched them, and after that, I kept going back sometimes.

Over time, I started experimenting on my own and even tried meeting men. But every time it got real, I would panic. I’d start shaking and leave.

I think I’m scared in both directions, scared I might like it, and scared I might not.

Now I feel stuck. I don’t know if I’m gay, straight, or bisexual. I just know I’m confused and tired of not understanding myself.