I hate when my friend talks about her family

I’ve always hated when my friend talks about her family. I am basically an only child because my siblings are adults, one who is decent and the other I hate, never speak to me and haven’t had a relationship with since elementary school. My n-mother is both physically and emotionally abusive. After falling back into the trap and breaking my no contact streak with her for a month, we had a fight and are back to not speaking. I plan to keep it this time. I don’t have many or really any friends at all. No one texts me, and while I associate with some people while at school, they cannot be called my friends.

Today is college decision day and seeing all the posts on Instagram of people taking photos in their college decision parties, their friend groups, and everything had made me slowly feel more and more miserable. And it just so happens to be the day before prom. I cannot afford to go to prom and I honestly don’t want to. I know there is going to be no one waiting for me. No point to take photos. No family to cheer me on or help put on my dress. It’s me as always. I’ve been trying not to think about it but it’s slowly eating me up inside.

I tried to call my friend just to talk about my day but she said she was at her little sister’s performance and she’ll call me later. I kind of stop and stare at the text. When she does, she tells me about how her sister was embarrassed because her whole family cheered for her. How her sister’s friend noticed her in the crowd and shouted how she loved her. Then she was exclaiming how excited she as from prom. I just ended the call quickly after. I am ashamed for feeling envious but most of all, I fucking hate this life. The only times I really receive any individualized attention is when I am being chastised at school, or called out, or in trouble. I just hate feeling like this. I just want to be loved in the same way everyone else seems to get so easy. I hate being me.