Depersonalization from alcohol

Hey everybody, this is my first time posting on Reddit and I felt it was necessary.

So to give some backstory I have had panic attacks since I was a little kid. Classic “I’m having a heart attack” panic attacks. They went away around middle school and my life was awesome. Fast forward to high school and I try weed for the first time and it fucking ruined my life. Ever since then I’ve been in and out of dpdr (depersonalization derealization disorder.)

It’s been almost 10 years since it happened and since then I quickly got into alcohol. Now when I was younger I drank a lot and I don’t really remember having anxiety from hangovers. I wasn’t like full blown drinking everyday, but when I drink I go hard. Anyways, hangxiety slowly started to trickle in and nowadays I can even fucking bear it. After I drink it literally feels like I’m stuck in my head, kinda like the get out scene where he’s falling into himself. And I feel so damn scared that one day I’m just going to have to take my life cause it’s so scary. I barely drink now, but my life feels so boring without alcohol. I hate that all my friends can go on benders and be fine and I just go crazy when I drink. So I let my brain trick me into drinking. I need someone to tell me I’ll be ok. This shit sucks.