I'm so fkd

I'm a one year dropout who joined BTech with no goals or interests. I was clueless and I couldn't even study for entrance exams in that year. So I just joined a college and the branch which was available. The thing is, I was running out of time, and another thing I wanted to stay away from home since there's always fights and yelling that time. That too I took loan. And no one even forced me to do this course..

I had no interest yet I managed to pass the exams in the first few sem by byhearing theories and stuffs which I'll forget the next day.. Later I got supplies that I couldn't focus even the day before exam. My mind was so fkn noisy and I was depressed for months.

I didn't even enjoy my college life. It was hell.. I just survived. But in the last semester I was so depressed and suicidal, I couldn't even attend the classes properly or study for exams. I think I'll get supplementary in this final semester.

So yeah I'll get graduated from a field which I was not interested in ( don't even know fkn basics ) with low cgpa..

The regret and guilt is killing me. At the same time whenever I think of doing something my mind keep asking ' what's the point of all this ? You don't want to live this shitty life anyway...so why to try so hard to get a job when you don't even have the will to live or any purpose,goals, Interests'

I'm feeling guilty that my sibling took care of financial stuffs and I couldn't repay. They have expectations on me..they are thinking I'll get a job soon .. But I'm so fkn clueless. Seriously I don't know what to do..Some night it feels so heavy and low that I find myself on the edge of suicide. I'm not even able to function properly. Wish I could just disappear.

I'm running out of time, I'm so behind this rat race and I'm so exhausted.