Going through one of the hardest days of my life

We unexpectedly had to put my 19-year-old cat down today, who’s been in my life since I was 7. We grew up together, and I grew accustomed to seeing her every day for almost two decades, and now I have to go the rest of my life without her. It feels like a punishment to have to live without her, and it’s extremely difficult to be awake and conscious, but I’m too upset to sleep. I can’t stop crying.

I’ve lost other pets and mourned before, but this feels different. I don’t know how to keep going. I can’t breathe.