Still stuck after breakup (almost lost my life)!

Ahhhhhhhh it's so painful to start! I will share about my love story with you guys and hopefully who else is going through this situation will understand it too.

Alright so I met her in January 2023 (I forgot the date) in a hackathon where she was my teammate and I was the leader of the team. I started talking to her and she was initially not interested but gradually she went with the flow i would say and then we use to talk, chat and hangout like everything that you see in movies we have actually tried everything like what you see in those korean dramas!

Gradually, my feeling towards her get strong with feeling towards each other and so in february 2024 somewhere in between 20 to 25th of the month we stopped talking as she went to another city, got new friends and then she started ignoring me like giving late replies and we were so close that my mom use to sometimes talk about her and ask that where is that friend of yours? why don't you bring her anymore for dinner? but I was always give some silly reasons to divert the topic and my feelings for her just more worsened and I was feeling very weak and completely finished from my life.

The most crucial part begins from mid march 2025 like 15 or 18th date of the month I suppose when she again came back to my life so this was like nearly an year later and I was very happy but I use to always doubt her that why did she come again? what does she wants now? doe she have bf? or is she just using me for her satisfaction? and all of these answers were never answered as she was just never the same and the feeling towards her just got more worsened.

Then it came to the point that on november 25th of 2025 we stopped talking to each other again and this time I had no more contact with whatsoever social platform as I think she blocked me and since then I have started focussing on my life as I moved to another country in the start of 2026 and and started to stop thinking about it and treat my brain as this has never happened to me and that I was never capable of love but you know those nostalgia moments and those emotions still runs in my body as I used to cry many nights and this goes on still today.

Now, I have become just someone who is not capable of love as I tried to approach towards women but I just get the overview that love is not for me and that all women will use me for their satisfaction only and within this time period I lost all my friends and others who were close to me.....and this changed me forever as I started talking to myself and even in public places i sometimes use to shout or cry all alone so much that people think that I am a mad guy and hence nobody use to help me.

It seems like at present all I can think about is what mistakes did I made and now I am taking anti-depression medicines. In some cases, it has become worse where I suffer from seizures at an approximate frequency of once a month. When I discussed my situation with my physician he tells me visit him more frequent and discuss about the situation but later I found out that he was just using me to get his fees. Moreover, the drugs that I was prescribed for myself do not affect me anymore since now my body is no more like what it was due to drinking, smoking, and this had an impact on my weight too.

Moreover, whenever I open myself to someone they just mock me and I feel embarrassed. Currently, I still carry her picture in my wallet as a memory to just let me feel that I am with her and that she will once again come back to my life and help me to cure my pain.