I (27F) feel like I’m constantly guessing where I stand with my boyfriend (29M) — how do I address this without pushing him away?

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) since November 2024. For a while, things felt steady and genuinely good between us. Even with distance involved for part of our relationship, we were making it work and I felt secure in what we had.

What’s changed is the inconsistency. Often, it feels like I’m dealing with two completely different versions of him. Some days he’s warm, communicative, and everything feels normal. Then without warning, the energy shifts. He becomes short, distant, or irritated by things that would not have bothered him before.

The hardest part is that I don’t always know what caused the change. I’ll respond the same way I always have, try to keep the conversation going, and suddenly it feels like I’m annoying him just by being present.

This back-and-forth has started affecting me more than I’d like to admit. I spend too much time trying to read his mood, wondering if I said something wrong, and adjusting myself just to avoid conflict.

I care about him deeply, which is why I’ve tried to be patient and understanding. But I also know I can’t keep existing in a relationship where I’m constantly guessing whether we’re okay or if I’m going to get dumped.

I want to have an honest conversation about what’s happening and whether he is still in this relationship, but he tends to avoid emotional discussions, withdraw when things get serious, or start throwing some serious jabs when confronted. He’s recently started saying I’m a heartless b-ch that doesn’t know how to love or be kind, and when I ask for clarification he says that he shouldn’t have to show someone how to be kind or care. I’m at a loss of words.

How do I approach this conversation in a way that gives us a real chance at clarity instead of another cycle of distance?