It's all messed up

Yk everything is so bad since my father is gone it's 5 years now I still remember the last talk like it was a video call and it's was my birthday but the very next day I lost him. He was the best best person alive and no ever could be hum I am too scared that I can never make him proud like he always knew that I would do something great like i would achieve something but I failing in everything I feel like a loser and I wish he was here. Everything is so werid without him nothing is alive i can never be able to make him proud I am always a loser but I am trying hard like my best to win but no matter what I fail. I wish he was here. Idk sorry for my bad english