I wish my parents intervened in my behaviour when i was young because I don’t know what to do now. (TW: SH)

Hi all, I’m currently a high schooler and i wished my parents intervened with my behaviour when i was younger. As a kid, i was severely bullied (teasing, hitting) and that led me to developing suicidal thoughts at around age 6. I constantly tried to convince my parents to take me out of that school because no one liked me. Since then, i’ve always felt a sense of numbness and anger even when nothing particularly bad has happened. I feel like I’m constantly on edge, constantly overstimulated, constantly under-stimulated, all at the same time. I don’t lash out at people but some of my friends have told me that i can be really loud and extroverted at times but immediately swap to being distant and depressed. I wish they intervened earlier so that i wouldn’t always feel like this. I feel like i have a disorder, i feel like normal people don’t feel like this, but i have nothing to base it off because i have never gotten diagnosed for anything. When i was 12, i had an episode where i started hallucinating faces in my curtains at night because i never slept and i was so stressed out from school exams. I told my parents and they sort of laughed awkwardly and brushed it off. I feel so helpless because i want to get help for whatever is wrong with me, but i don’t have any documents or psychiatric assessments. When i was 8, i used to stab holes in my gums with toothpicks because i was so strongly angry at the world and there was no other way i could express that. I don’t know any other way still. I don’t harm myself anymore but i feel like I’m decaying on the inside. I wish i could just shove my stomach with cotton buds or wood pulp to soak up whatever is rotting inside of me. I always feel like my legs are itching and that every nerve is trying to wriggle out of my skin. I feel all these things, but i don’t know how to tell anyone without them overreacting. I wish my parents would’ve just sent me for a psychiatrist appointment so i would have some proof that there is something wrong with me.