Hey guys!

I've always been just going with the flow and never felt a strong sense of a direction or self, I'm super indecisive and struggle with anxiety so life has been like a game where I've only taken the bad routes so far and feel like a complete failure. I'm in my early twenties and I already feel like I have wasted my life and don't have the strong base others have (friends, family, hobbies, school and career achievements, etc). Now I'm not sure what to do with myself and my life or what's in the future for me at all. I was hoping that someone could tell something from my chart, I'm only familiar with some basics in astrology. The following paragraphs are basically a summary of what fields of life I have issues with (basically all of them). If my chart really reflects these then it's probably a chaotic mess.

First, I'm about to finish my Bachelor's degree in a major I probably won't be able to work in and don't have much passion or talent in. I'm not sure whether I should continue and choose a Master's degree, start a different Bachelor's or some paid course for adults that takes a few months or one year and gives the qualifications. I've spent years trying to find out what occupation would fit me and I'm still lost because I don't have any skills or interests in particular.

We're also planning on moving with my family and my mother would like me to stay with her instead of living alone, which would be convenient because of financials and house chores but I've never liked living with my family. We always had a complicated and unhealthy relationship and I don't know if it's worth it when they are the main reason behind my mental health issues and why I turned out like this. If we stay together it would be easier to continue my studies if I wanted to and I wouldn't necessarily have to take a full-time job to support myself but I feel like I won't be able to mentally heal if I stay with her.

Another huge issue for me is that I'm afraid I'll always be alone. Everyone always says that Gemini Sun and Gemini Venus mean extroversion and friendships but I've always been the disposable floater friend and no one ever sticks around or likes me that much. I tried to work on my social skills during high school and uni and got better somewhat but I don't think my friends at uni will stick around once we graduate because we usually only talk at school. I'm probably neurodivergent and boring/annoying maybe but I'm not sure if that's the only reason. Maybe I'm doing something wrong or I was just simply fated to stay alone, no matter what I do.

With romantic relationships, I never really had one, and I don't think I've ever really been in love or anything. I'm also unsure about my sexuality and gender identity, always been. Not long ago a guy asked me out and I ended up rejecting him because I don't really know him nor find him attractive. The thing is, I'm only ever asked out by guys I don't like and I wonder if I'll ever find a guy (or maybe a girl) I actually click with. Maybe I should have said yes and seen if anything develops but then it's harder to tell him if it doesn't work out for me. I'm generally super nervous and insecure in this field, and although I don't want a relationship desperately or anything, I often wonder if I'm even suited for one or if I'd ever find a partner for me where love and attraction is mutual and we could have a good relationship. I have always daydreamed about having a soulmate but in reality I'm pretty pessimistic about my chances of finding love.

Lastly, I won't go into detail but my mental health has been a big issue most of my life. I definitely did grow over the years but I still have a long way to go. If the previously mentioned problems got better then maybe I'd feel less miserable but I'm afraid that I'll never truly feel better. The problem is that these mental issues are so deeply rooted because they mostly stem from childhood traumas and how I was raised, that they are part of my personality, brain, and body. But I try my best against depression, OCD, anxiety, etc. I started telling myself years ago that it will get better if i try but it hasn't that much so far. I hope the future will be better for me.

Well, this was a lot and turned out to be a sort of pitiful rant. But thank you for any answers in advance, I really have no idea how to read the chart when it comes to life direction and advice seeking. I'm curious about anything my chart can tell. Career, romantic and platonic relationships, family, mental health, etc. Thank you!:)

Feeling genuinely lost in life. Does it get better? (long rant)