Friends

I’ve pushed all of my friends away, and I’m no fun to be around.

I’m working on how to turn this switch off in my brain when I’m in social setting .. but unfortunately, I’m not there yet, and it just gets pretty lonely when I can’t enjoy myself after not being able to enjoy myself around others.

I hate that I hyper fixate on every detail.. I wish I could jut close my eyes or cover my ears when I’m around people just so I didn’t have to deal with the excessive volume coming from the inside of my mind …

I just want to be able to enjoy life .. to enjoy people without constantly feeling like they’re threatening me or out to get me..

people say the noise doesn’t lessen once in remission , it just gets easier to work with … I’m waiting for these moment, but it’s not happening. I’ve just restarted therapy with an EMDR specialist and we’re only on session 4 now.. so it might take a good while

I just want to be able to laugh and smile with people and genuinely feel it .. I want my brain to remember all of the relevant things in my life and not the irrelevant..

I start to cry immensely if I allow myself to feel any ounce of happiness - I immediately become so full of fear instead — and it’s like my normal state is only fear, sadness or anger

I’m so tired of this