How do you cope with the yearning?

Ace Transfem here, very lonely but not alone with some barely organised thoughts:

Recently the topic of intimacy's come up with my cis woman friends and their relationships in our little talks. Im still waiting for hrt and stuff. When they start talking about all that I get this nauseous feeling and it kills my appetite and its because hearing them talk about that stuff just amps up the dysphoria to 11 and i get physically ill from it. I wont lie it makes me incredibly jealous and it bothers me more than I would like it to. Its because they get loved fully as women, and I dont have even the slightest hope of that for at least another year or 2 in the best of cases. And I still live with family. I have plenty of friends but lately ive been yearning for something more (its even reflecting in my dreams ;-;) and thats a massive problem because at the same time i refuse to let anyone get that close to me while I still look like a guy. It feels like a disservice to everyone else. In the end I'm just sat here wanting to dedicate myself to someone but not being able to get close enough to anyone to do that. I've found myself reading or watching romance stories and picturing myself in the woman's place, and it feels nice but its escapism.

Can anyone else relate to this?