Starting all over again mid 40s

15 years of marriage, 20 years together, and Im finally walking away from it

My wife said she was “done” april of last year. I admit, I made my lapses, complacent that cos I didnt cheat or abuse her physically and verbally, and that I was a good provider and helped around house chores that i was good enough..not seeing we drifted apart and basically became housemates (at least in her eyes)

So when she said she was “done” i tried to win her back, being more attentive, randomly sending her food sa office, planning activities all met by her insisting “i have passed the point of no return”

Little did I know, that even before that “split date” She has been very close to a male coworker, even being seen holding hands with him, or constantly seen coming out from the back of the guy’s car (sila lang 2) sa office carpark. Or during pickleball, how she would take out mcdo for the guy if guy is running late, and sasamahan nya kumain pag dating ni guy while the rest of the group is playing na. One time in their office sportsfest she was observed wiping his sweat, another time naman in an office party, guy was peeling shrimps for her while sinubuan nya ng cake. They've always been seen holding hands too

At first their core friend group in the office didnt think much of it, cos barkada nga for so long, till rumours got louder and slowly they realized it was off.

Mind you, she insists they are not having an affair. Guy insists too

We still live together, albeit different rooms. We have a teenage son so me moving out is kinda heavy for me so we just avoid each other at home

I coped by working on my fitness, almost daily sa gym..lifting weights and doing incline walk on my “recovery” days..anything just so i spend less time at home habang gising pa sya. Anyway, me and my son bonds before going home naman. Well at least I have that going well for me, at least for now. I lost weight from 81Kg last December to 67Kg this morning and friends say Im in great shape (if only they knew why lol)

Anyway. She admitted to my best friend (who is also her officemate) na the reason she has been cold and sometimes hostile to me was so Id finally give up and move out. So here, Ive finally made the decision, I will move out. heavy but I hope this is when healing truly starts

I also (finally) confronted the guy, his voice, cracking like a boy caught doing someting wrong, denied it and said it was nothing. Damn mofo, he couldnt even stand up for my wife na nilalandi nya

So afte that, I had a talk with her this weekend, and told her, its time I give her what she wants but couldnt tell me. That, while Iam not giving up on the family, this has dragged too much and its not healthy and I cannot live in constant rejection, especially when Ive been walking towards reconcilation and she chose the path with the other guy

I also told her rhat its already cruel for her to have the affair, but talking to people how bad of a husband I was, to justify her actions while denying her affair, is just a different level of cruelty

That said, I cant imagine dating yet. At this point, im enjoying my newfound “freedom” and just focusing on myself now.

Just sad, 15 good years, all the good memories, all the fun trips both as a couple and as a family, and Im closing the chapter accepting what once was, has ceased to be